


A realisation

by ShowMeYourPhilussy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Wholesome, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 21:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19709917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShowMeYourPhilussy/pseuds/ShowMeYourPhilussy
Summary: Castiel has a realisationSam is relievedDean is happyJack is confused





	A realisation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I wrote this story in my free time and just thought I should share it
> 
> Enjoy :)

Tick  
Toc  
Tick  
Toc

Castiel sat at his desk in the bunkers library, tapping his finger against the book he was reading. It was about half past 10 in the morning and the angel had been studying for the last 4 hours, he had wanted to keep studying last night but Jack had practically forced him to switch off for the night since he had after all his son was half angel too.

He had been reading through the laws on leviathans which still caused him to feel sick not only physically but mentally after his time being purgatory, with Sam sitting on the other table across the room doing his own research and Jack playing around.

He had kept reading the same line of text for the last hour as his thoughts were all over the place, in places of his mind that he didn’t even know were there and places that he was way too familiar with. But all of these thoughts had a replaying something in them, a rather person. Castiel shook his head as if he was trying to get rid of the thoughts but soon realised that was impossible. He sighed in disappointment.

Dean Winchester 

A sudden spark went up the man’s spine making his nerves tingle with a feeling, he couldn’t quite name but deep down he knew the truth. For a moment, he relaxed and let himself be embraced by the new exciting feeling, the sensations were almost overwhelming but as strange as it sounded, Cas kinda liked them but of course would never admit that out loud.

His mind soon began to wander and found himself reminiscing over certain special memories which included Dean Winchester who was not only a man who saved the world with his brother but his best friend. Cas played through the memories, one by one enjoying everyone and everything in them. He remembered the first time they met and feeling the demon knife being blunged into his chest by the human and the complete look of shock on Deans face. The time Dean and him had sat together in a diner just enjoying their meals while they stared at each other with some much adoration that you could practically hear their hearts beating in sync. Then the time where Castiel popped into the hotel the Winchester brothers were staying in which he did quite regularly only to be faced with a green eyed man. His face turned so red in a matter of moments it had reminded the angel of the paint the hunters used to draw sigils and devil traps with, the angel was quite confused at first from this reaction but then as he studied the man and he noticed he was bare naked expect for the white fluffy towel that was wrapped around the humans waist, dripping wet from just getting out of the showe-

Castiel quickly turned his attention back to his book and for moment let his eyes glaze around the room. Sam was deep in thought and scanning the pages of the book he was reading about ghouls and Jack was standing near one of the shelves in the library running his finger along the binders of the books, searching for a book while moving his feet in such a way that was almost seemed fictional well to the angel at least, the nougat loving boy had called it “footloose” he was still confused on the reasoning of this act and the purpose but Jack promised to teach him.

He felt his face heat up and looked down in embarrassment when he realised he was alone with his thoughts and that he was biting his bottom lip. He decided to keep that memory for later. ;)

Then that one night...  
————————————————————————————————————

The brothers and Cas had been on a case involving mysteriously deaths and robberies, it was a truly perplexing hunt.

Dean had been sitting at the motels room table of which they were staying at and using Sam’s laptop while Castiel was sitting on one of the beds, looking at John Winchester’s journal. They were sitting in comfortable silence when suddenly the angel had broken it.

“Your father had beautiful handwriting.” Castiel complemented as he flipped through the pages gently, as if he was cradling a baby. Dean looked over and raised an eyebrow caught off guard by the statement but didn’t question it.

“How you feeling, Cas?” The human asked, already knowing the answer to be given.

“I’m fine.” Castiel’s eye are glued to the books pages. Yeah definitely not suspicious.

“Well, I just – I – I know that when... I got puked out of Purgatory, it took me a few weeks to... find my sea legs.

“I'm fine.”

“Don't get me wrong. I'm – I’m happy you're back. I'm – I’m freaking thrilled. It's just this whole mysterious-resurrection thing – it always has one mother of a downside.” Dean confesses. 

Castiel closes Dean’s fathers journal and looks at him “So, what do you want me to do?” 

“Maybe take a trip upstairs.” The righteous man suggests.

“To Heaven?” The angel’s heart drops, no one could see the change in the way Castiel spoke but Dean Winchester. It was almost unnoticeable and impossible to tell but the human could see how his demeanour changed.

“Yeah, poke around, see if the God squad can't tell us how you got out.”

Cas pauses for moment.

“No.”

“Look, man, I – I hate those flying-ass monkeys just as much as you do, but –“ The young man starts but then is interrupted.

“Dean! I said no!”

The room is filled with silence and after a few moments Dean closes the laptop, walks over and sits on the edge of the other bed, facing the angel.

Their eyes meet. “Talk to me.”

Castiel takes a deep breath. “Dean, I... When I was... bad... and I had all those things – the... the leviathans... writhing inside me... I caused a lot of suffering on earth, but I devastated Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I – I – I can't go back.” His voice breaks on the last sentence. Dean feels as if he had been stabbed in the heart from the look on the other mans face.

“ 'Cause if you do, the angels will kill you.” The human states more than saying it as a question.

“Because if I see what Heaven's become – what I – “ Castiel sighs. They make eye contact. “What I made of it... I'm afraid I might kill myself.”

Both men freeze. Not one daring to move from the pressuring tension in the small motel room, neither Castiel or Dean break eye contact which lasts a couple of seconds maybe even a minute but felt like hours for the boys.

Suddenly as Dean watches the other mans face, he notices a shimmer in the electric blue pools which he knew as the angels eyes, it almost looked like sprinkling rain. It glistened in the sunlight and then it started racing down his cheek like a small river,it was out of place on the olive toned skin. Like a sore thumb or black rose in a bouquet of red roses, it looked like it wasn’t suppose to be there. Shortly it followed with identical drops which started to pick the pace up of moving.

Dean stares in disbelief at the scene that was occurring right in front of his eyes.

Castiel, the angel of the lord was crying.

Suddenly what can be heard in the background is the sound of a door opening but neither of the men hadn’t even registered the noise or the sound of Sam cursing or the sound of the door shutting softly well that’s what they wanted to all think. As soon as the room was filled with crushing silence it was again broken but not by a door or a curse but a shaky breath and then a sob. A gut- wrenching provoking sob which coursed through Cas’s body like a virus infecting every cell, every strand of DNA. Just everything. Had been completely covered.

As Castiel sat on the bed, covering his face with his hands letting the tears fall dampening his trousers. He felt a abrupt pressure land on his left arm; it was comforting. So being confused and intrigued, the man removed his hands from his face and looked over to his left with his eyes red and stinging.

There sat next to him the one and only Dean Winchester with his right hand resting on the angel, his eyes filled with nothing but concern and empathy. Neither of them speak, they just stare at each other taking in the tender moment that was in play. That’s when Castiel felt a familiar prickling in his eyes, he quickly looks down and he frowns deeply but suddenly he feels a pressure under his chin and it’s being lifted up to meet Dean’s gaze which then showed the angel something he had not seen in a long time.

Tears

The celestial gasped quietly and felt a pang of guilt stab him in the stomach, he studies the other man not even caring about the newly formed tears running down his face. 

“Dean” Cas whispers, it’s barely audible but the hunter just catches it. He smiles which doesn’t sit well with the obvious pain and concern in his emerald green eyes. Abruptly Dean moves his right hand from the placement of the other mans arm to rest around his shoulders and pulls him in to the humans chest. Castiel tenses in confusion and embarrassment of the sudden contact but soon realises what this was and mirrors Dean’s actions. So this is what a hug feels like.

Cas rests his head against Dean’s shoulder sobbing, moistening his flannel while the other man whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

“Oh Cas”

“I- I’m s-sorry D-dean I jus-st I- I’m s-sorry”

“It’ll be okay Buddy, just let it all out” 

“I-I’ve just caused so m-much p-p-pain and I-I-I just don’t know what to d-do. I feel so awful and just think i-it w-w- would be better if I was g-g-g- gone...” Castiel admits. As the words leave his mouth, he feels the rate of Dean’s heart start to race and his breathing become heavier. He feels the arms around him loosen until they drop and he is suddenly pushed gently back to be faced with the hunter’s green eyes. Cas feels a sudden warmth engulfing his hands. He slowly looks down, Dean had cradled them with his own.

“Castiel” The human whispers, the other man immediately looks up at him. “That is not true. I-I-I w-would never f-forgive myself if that h-happened. You matter and p-people love you. I l-love you... and Sam d-does too. So don’t ever think I w-wouldn’t do anything for y-you to be s-safe and h-happy.” The angel is stunned with shock as he watches the hunter leak small tears down his face, he doesn’t even pick up on the sudden slip up the man had made but instead quickly jumps forward and embraces Dean so tightly that he would’ve killed any other human or creature. They stay intertwined with each other sobbing until they both drift off. Sam doesn’t come home until later where he finds Dean laid down on his bed with Castiel on his chest, asleep . He sweetly smiles as he quietly writes a note saying that he would be at the library if they needed him and leaves it on the table while walking out the door, making sure to softly shut it the second time that day. The rest of the day was just filled with gleeful glances but it was mostly full of looks which said one unspoken secret between a certain pair of a hunter and angel.

————————————————————————————————————

Castiel smiles faintly at the memory, he had so many memories of Dean so many amazing memories, god he was so inlove with Dean Winchester.

The angel stops dead. He doesn’t even dare to breathe, he’s frozen like a statue.

When he finally catches his breath again, he runs the words through his head again and again and again. The more he repeats it, the more he realises it’s true.  
He was in love.

“I’m in love” Castiel whispers to himself but suddenly Sam overhears him and asks “what was that Cas?” While raising an eyebrow, looking at the other man expectly.

“I’m in love” The celestial says to the human. Both of the men’s eyes go wide, the warrior of heaven quickly realises what he had said and suddenly pushes his chair back and stands up, knocking his seat over. Sam Winchester expression is filled with satisfaction and complete joy yet has trances of anticipation with slight confusion with this out of the blue revelation.

“I’m in love!” Cas says loudly, Jack was now looking over in confusion from the sudden confession. Oh shit, he loves Dean. Oh my god he has to tell him, he can’t wait so he starts to quickly close his books and clean up his work space as words spill out of his mouth like water from a jug.

“Oh my god, I am in love oh shit oh sorry Jack I mean hell oh wait no fuck oh golly sorry Sam, I just realised I love Dean oh dang! I’m in love with your brother and oh oops I’m really sorry Sam and Jack....... uhhhh bye!” Castiel waves goodbye as he runs out of the library leaving behind a smug looking Sam and a really confused looking Jack. The angel doesn’t even register that he can fly but instead runs, runs so fast that he could’ve beaten who they call “The Fast” a really fast teenager boy, he still didn’t understand how the boy could run that fast even with Sam and Dean explaining it to him. He could’ve beaten any vampire or magical adolescence by the date he was running.

He didn’t care about anything else, not the footsteps of the younger Winchester brother or the questions being asked by his son. 

He just runs.


End file.
